Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Have questions about love? Email them to me at AskSaylor@coveritmagazine.com and I will try and answer them in the next edition of Cover It magazine.

12Aug

Acceptance

When you meet someone do you see them as they are or do you see them as they could be? If that person were to stay the same weight, make the same money and never “improve”, could you accept them as is? One of the best pieces of relationship advice I ever heard is to accept someone as is and not for their potential. Having a relationship with someone for who they might be down the road is a recipe for failure.

We must also learn to accept ourselves and love ourselves just the way we are. If we don’t like the way we are, how could we possibly expect someone else to?

 

Once we have found someone who find find to be sufficiently attractive, then we must take a look at the person’s attitudes. Are they similar to ours? The greater the similarity to ours, the greater the attraction and satisfaction in a long-term relationship. So what can we do to increase our chances of finding someone with similar attitudes?  Try frequenting places where you might find people of similar interests, like a coffee shop, gym or a class.

Why do we place so much importance on attractiveness? As a society, we value good looks and feel that if it looks good on the outside, it must also be good on the inside. We also feel that better social skills are associated with someone who is attractive and that we might benefit socially from associating with them. Also, don’t  we feel that we deserve to be with someone who is attractive?

In reality, the most attractive woman are approached the least, most men finding them too intimidating. The most successful guideline for a long-term relationship would be to choose someone who has the same level of attractiveness as yourself.

 

We make judgements on whether or not we find someone attractive in 150 milliseconds. That initial decision will not change no matter how long we get to know that person. We also tend to choose people based on how much they resemble us or a close relative.

Did you know that when it comes to choosing a mate, we subconsciously look for someone with a perfectly symmetrical face? With symmetry comes better genes and a better immune system, or so we think. Humans are not alone in this choice as apes choose partners based on symmetry as well. Body symmetry is important, but not nearly as important as facial symmetry. If we look at the faces we admire in our modern culture, the interest in perfect symmetry will hold true, and it also holds true through history.

Look for my first column in the new magazine called Cover It. The column will cover the reasons why we fall in love with who we fall in love with consciously. For example, did you know that proximity is one of the biggest factors in choosing a mate? It explains why there are so many office romances!

The best way to determine the quality of a man is to evaluate his relationship with his mother. :Like mother, like son.” The mother-son connection determines to a great extent not only what sons think about themselves but also what they think about women in general.

I’m researching for the book I’m working on called Basking in the Light. It’s a thriller that revolves around two brothers who are mentally and emotionally messed up as a result of the relationship that they had with their mother. My research shows how important that initial bond is between mother and son, without sons are doomed to grow up as detached adults.

The good news is…there’s no need to worry about the mama’s boy. There a very good chance that he will grow up to be a healthy, happy and productive individual and that he will make a healthy partner for someone.

Bottom line moms, we can’t give too much love to our sons.

Being in love with a misogynist can be painfully challenging. He often uses affection against the you in order to teach you a lesson or put you in your place. He loves you, he hates you, he blames you. How can this type of roller coaster relationship possible work?